I told work today.
And I only told work that I’m pregnant. I didn’t tell my boss or most of my collegues about the IUI’s and the 2 year wait.
So far for my quest to advocate infertility in the workplace 🙂
I just could’t do it. I imagined all those questions from some nosy collegues who would dig into my personal life much deeper than I would want them to. I’m a terrible lyer so it would make me feel awkward with questions like “so, which fault was it?”. Plus, my boss will go all dramatic and say things like “why didn’t you TELL?” and so on.
If I really wanted to get all my frustrations off my chest I would have to tell my boss how much she hurt my feelings by asking me all those years when I’m having a baby. But that’s not something you can say to your boss. So if I only tell the IUI story, she will never ask herself “oh maybe I was too nosy with her” or ” maybe I should stop asking people when will they have children”. It would only stop if I tell her the hurtfull truth right in her face. And I just don’t want to risk my (otherwise good) work relationship with her, so I chickened out.
Plus, I have a bunch of other collegues who I think it’s not of their business how many fertility treatments I had, but if I tell my boss and some collegues I have to tell everyone, to avoid gossiping. Imagine all those people behind my back whispering “Oh she’s having TROUBLE to have kids, with me they just popped out when I wanted them to”.
What I will do, is to tell my story to all of my friends. I really want them to know that babies are not just some things that you get when you want it or when you are ready. So I’ll be an advocate to my friends and maybe even random people I meet.
I will never forget my struggle and I want people to know that it’s not okay to ask questions about having children. It just has to stop.