stupid, people will be…

My baby and me are still going strong! 15 weeks pregnant! I won’t bother you with my happy thoughs (I have a lot of them now, my mood changed completely, yay!), nor will I bother you with my nausea and so, because this blog is meant for bitching. And bitching I WILL.

So, I told almost all my friends and family by now about the pregnancy, and the IUI road to get there.

I thought I would learn some people who don’t have a clue about what it is to TTC for 2 years and going in hospitals on a weekly basis. I thought I would teach those people not to ask those stupid questions like when will we “begin” to start to have a family? Instead I learned this:

  • the people who are nice and empathic in general, react the same nice way about my TTC story. They respond with “I’m so sorry you had to go through this”, and “You are right, people should stop asking about children”
  • the other people just don’t get the POINT. They go all: “oh I know a friend who had IVF and her second child just came out of nowhere” like for saying that TTC for 2 years isn’t a big deal and if I want a second child it will happen in just a whimp of a second. They don’t pause and think “maybe I shouldn’t have dug into her privat life like that”. Even when I say “sorry that I reacted so emotional when you asked me when we are having babies” they just don’t seem to get it. They just go all “look your third IUI worked so what’s the problem” but they don’t see my general point I’m making about being more considered and not sticking your nose into other peoples business. Of course I’m glad I had to do ONLY 3 IUI and waited ONLY 2 years, I know it could have been a lot worse, but this isn’t all about me, it’s about infertiles in GENERAL. Aaaaaargh!

It feels like I better said nothing and pretend everything went honky dory, like at work. It just makes me sad. It also reminds me of all this sorrow that I had those past few years.

Most of the time now I feel happy but when I just don’t get people to understand what infertiles go through, it brings me back to those months of mourning (like my hubby calls it) and then I just feel those tears in my eyes again and I’m incredibly anxious that something will happen to the baby.

Well, at least I tried. I think I will not stop trying to explain TTC, but it will not be easy. I don’t think I’m healed enough.

Did I mention that people already start about my second child? This one isn’t even BORN, YOU BITCHES! Can I concentrate on this child first perhaps? THANK YOU.

how to be a complete chicken

soooo

I told work today.

And I only told work that I’m pregnant. I didn’t tell my boss or most of my collegues about the IUI’s and the 2 year wait.

So far for my quest to advocate infertility in the workplace 🙂

I just could’t do it. I imagined all those questions from some nosy collegues who would dig into my personal life much deeper than I would want them to. I’m a terrible lyer so it would make me feel awkward with questions like “so, which fault was it?”. Plus, my boss will go all dramatic and say things like “why didn’t you TELL?” and so on.

If I really wanted to get all my frustrations off my chest I would have to tell my boss how much she hurt my feelings by asking me all those years when I’m having a baby. But that’s not something you can say to your boss. So if I only tell the IUI story, she will never ask herself “oh maybe I was too nosy with her” or ” maybe I should stop asking people when will they have children”. It would only stop if I tell her the hurtfull truth right in her face. And I just don’t want to risk my (otherwise good) work relationship with her, so I chickened out.

Plus, I have a bunch of other collegues who I think it’s not of their business how many fertility treatments I had, but if I tell my boss and some collegues I have to tell everyone, to avoid gossiping. Imagine all those people behind my back whispering “Oh she’s having TROUBLE to have kids, with me they just popped out when I wanted them to”.

What I will do, is to tell my story to all of my friends. I really want them to know that babies are not just some things that you get when you want it or when you are ready. So I’ll be an advocate to my friends and maybe even random people I meet.

I will never forget my struggle and I want people to know that it’s not okay to ask questions about having children. It just has to stop.