annoying friends

ok, I’m 6 weeks pregnant now. whoop whoop! keep sticking and growing, little bean!

In the meantime I got annoyed yet again with a friend of mine.

It’s the girl who never leaves her baby alone and even never goes jogging or walk the dog because “if you chose to have children then you have to take care of them EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY”. I wrote a post about her some months ago. Let’s call her J. She’s not a very close friend but I know her a very long time already.

Well, yesterday I met her best friend M for drinks. M said that she and J think about me and are sympathetic with our TTC struggle. So far so good. That’s very nice of them.

Then she said that J wants to invite me and M over, but she is afraid too because then I will see the baby and all the babies toys in J’s house. And she thought that I couldn’t handle it because of my infertility.

In a way, I know that it’s kind to consider my potential bad feelings about a babyfull house. And I know that there are people who are triggered by seeing a baby and have meltdowns (which I totally understand, but i don’t have those feelings towards babies: it’s the mummy’s I’m annoyed about 🙂  M said that J ment well…

In another way I was very upset because J is convinced that that will be my reaction and immediately assumes that I cannot handle seeing baby/babystuff. She is doing the thinking for me. She’s anticipating that I will have a breakdown and that I will not come to her dinnerparty or cry all the time or something.

So J will not invite me to come over. The easy way out. In the meanwhile, she also chooses not to ask me how I’m doing. Like some other of my friends (I’m still guessing if they just don’t care or if they are feeling to awkward to talk about it).

But I’m not like J. I would love being invited by her! I love company and dinner parties. If it has to be in a house with 5 babies, then that’s the way it is! I will not feel bad because of this! If all my friends were reacting like that I would live in total isolation with my hubby and my parents as only company; What the fucking hell is this reasoning!

I’m sick and tired of people tiptoeing round my ttc problems and ignoring it out off fear (mostly for feeling bad themselves). i’m sick and tired that nobody wants to talk about it and are ashamed of it.

No, it’s so much more fun to be surrounded by happy friends without problems, isn’t it? Let’s completely ignore our friends with problems and invite only the happy ones! Let the sad friends stay at home wining, who needs them! What a bloody good idea!  😦 😦

I guess now that I am pregnant I’m still not over people’s awful reactions on infertility… It’s not like my feelings about this are vaporised the second that the nice lady called about my positive test result. And you know what? I prefer to be annoyed at those people and spread the word that infertility exist and is not to be ignored.

it’s a miracle!

Trigger warning! This post is about my Big Fat Positive. I don’t mind if you stop reading now if you’re just not into another pregnancy announcement xxx

you guys…

Last week my blood was drawn but I didn’t dare to write it down. It was a BFP!

So today new blood test and it’s STILL POSITIVE!

I’m so amazed and grateful. My third IUI worked! I’m 5 weeks knocked up!

Hubby’s reaction was: “FINALLY” with a big cheer. It seemed that almost 2 years of trying weighed on him down as well, although he always is positive and helpful.

I must say, the fact that you are almost 2 years TTC and the treatments in the hospital, makes you react to such good news in another way then a woman who never have to go through that shit.

I mean: first you are overcome with joy, and 5 minutes later you worry “because it’s IUI and maybe it will not stick”. then you are full of joy again because you never got this far, and you are officially pregnant and you JUST WANT TO ENJOY THAT. Only to have a complete nervous breakdown the day after because “we didn’t even try IVF, maybe Nature is just playing her crudest joke on me EVER”.

Oh wait, are that hormones? 🙂

I never peed on a stick after just a couple of months trying to celebrate with hubby in the privacy of our own home and telling the friends and family after a reasonable two or three months. Instead you are called in the middle of the day, expecting the worse, feeling numb, hurrying in an empty meeting room, try not to cheer to loud to the lady on the telephone because your collegues might hear you and having to announce your pregnancy to Hubby by telephone. Emerging 15 minutes later with a big grin (but not too big, because you never know it might go wrong) and trying not to look any of your collegues in the eye…

Then you tell your parents in the evening and my mother becomes hysterical and says “I get to live that moment” (she’s a bit older than most mums, so her biggest fear was that I could only be pregnant at 40 and she will by then have complete dementia/in a wheelchair) and you have to tell your mum to chill because it’s IUI and maybe it didn’t work and we have to wait another week for confirmation but she just keeps jumping up and down.

I never had to be this “careful” happy about good news.

It’s not the way I imagined to become pregant and to announce my pregnancy to my family, but in fact I don’t care!

I’m pregnant and that’s all that matters. I would gladly take blood test every day if that is what it takes. It makes me realise why people say that pregnancy is a miracle. Because after 2 years wanting, crying, trying, it is a miracle! there are no other words for it.

Thank you, my WordPress buddies, for the support! You are such sweet, supportive people!

And I’m so hoping that you guys will have good news soon. FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

TWW

waiting for some good news or some bad news for more than a week now after IUI n°3…

and experiencing all kinds of pregnancy symptoms that, when you think about it rationally, ARE NOT pregnancy symptoms…

like:

– upset stomach and bowels: I just ate something wrong. But it’s going on for days now? What if…?

– very tired. Oh wait, that’s because it’s freakin’ hot and I woke up at 6 in the morning from the heat

– sore boobs: but my boobs are always tender, except when I have my period. It’s just nature playing crude jokes on me.

– being calm and poise: oh wait, that’s not a symptom, but it’s a good thing!! I’m pleased with myself!

– not interested in drinking alchohol or fried foods: didn’t I just say that my stomach is upset and that it’s 35 ° Celsius?

– sobbing from some dumb problem at work, while realising I’m sobbing that I really really want this IUI to work…

– AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH