after the communion

Yesterday we went to the first and solemn communion of the nieces of hubby (children of his brother’s).

There were 12 kids but they were a bit older, only one of them was 1,5 years old.

I was still feeling a little sick from the scarlet fever, and I dreaded the celebration. I didn’t want any of the usual awkward questions from hubby’s family. Strangely, nobody asked me when I will have babies. In fact, nobody paid any attention to me at all (except one drunk uncle). All the women where constantly about the kids. Everything was about the kids. So obviously I was left out. And I was the only not drunk adult person in the room. Luckily I decided that instead of sulking in my little corner, it was better to enjoy the enormous bouncy castle (no weight limit, yippieee) with the children. I had a blast at last.

Unfortunately, hubby’s brother came to us later that evening and asked how the IUI went. Hubby just recently told him we are trying (it’s his family, so he can choose to tell whenever he wants, but I thought he waited a lot of time). And then, when I told him the chances of being pregnant with all this fever and sickness weren’t very high (still, AF didn’t show up, try not to think about that), he told me “YOU’RE TOOO STRESSED”.

I said “oh, did you get scarlet fever from being too stressed?” (hellow, do we have a new doctor in the family!?!)

and then he was like “but you’re too stressed, you’re doing to many things, my wife and I were trying for a year between two kids and we were too busy, so when we relaxed, we got pregnant”

I said “you cannot say to people just to stop stressing, it’s not my fault.”

and he ranted “yeah but I’m telling you anyways, because I’m right, YOU are too stressed.”

He has three perfect children and it’s all he and his wife can talk about. Of course, the situation is completely the same as our situation…..NOT. I feel bad for him that he had to wait a year between two kids, I know it’s heartbreaking, but he was basically telling me that I worked too hard and did too much stuff. I, not his brother. Only me. The woman.

Ok, just look at my life at the moment.

Yes, I’m stressed. I’m going to see a psychologist about it. The appointment is only next month. Guess what I’m stressed about, brother-in-law? It’s not work. It’s this freaking baby shit.

No I’m not stressed from work of from “doing too much”. I was a lawyer for 4 years. THAT was stressfull. I lived only for my work. Then I changed jobs and now I work for the government. Less stressfull, but very nice job, very difficult but nice hours.

Ok I have hobbies. So shoot me. Can a girl have some hobbies? My hubby is a musician and he has the craziest hours. If I just stayed at home after work and wait for him to return home, while of course “relaxing”, then I will definitely become crazy. I’m not the type to sit at home. Plus, my friends all have babies so there aren’t just so much girl’s night’s out any more. My social life is a bit diminished, so Thank. God. For. My. Hobbies.

Really, I love my life! I have a cool job and nice hobbies. I love hubby! I have an excellent relationship with my parents. I have that other business on the side (renting houses) but that’s from the family business, it’s sometimes stressfull when people don’t pay rent (like right now, hence the panic attack two weeks ago) but I don’t have a choice than to learn how to deal with those problems. I have to do that business because my whole family is in this business. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like very much. That’s just life.

Why did my brother-in-law just pointed the finger at me again? Why is it always the woman’s fault?

And why is it anybody’s fault? It’s just bad luck, or maybe there is a medical problem, maybe we get a baby, maybe we don’t, maybe the doctors find a cause, maybe they don’t.

In the meanwhile, I will just relax. Or tell everyone how relaxed and happy I am. Without a baby. Yeah, I’m doing wonderfull.

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