I want

I want to drink alcohol. especially champagne. Or a cocktail in this sunny weather. GIMME!

I want to drink coffee. I’m so freaking tired!!! Lots of coffee. All kinds of coffee. mmmmm coffeee……

I want my friend who I didn’t see for more than a year who came over yesterday to shut up about the fact that she spends all her free time with her child en doesn’t even have time to walk the dog or go running (she was a sports addict before baby). She said that the visit to my house was her first night out with friends since the baby (22 months). She never goes on a date with her husband anymore, they take the baby everywhere they go. She was like “it’s normal that you don’t take time for yourself because I made the decision to be a mom”.

So of course I’m freaking the hell out: do you have to spend every free hour from work CONSTANTLY with your child? Will I never be able to leave the baby with my mom and go for a nice walk for an hour? She never does that. She never leaves the baby alone. Ever. I also don’t think that her husband is home much. But still. Take the child to your mum doesn’t make you a bad mother. Does it?

Luckily I do have other friends who DO spend time alone or with husband, work out and have dinner and enjoy life a bit more than this perfect mother. WTH?

I also want that my work would progress a bit faster. I’m a lazy bitch these days at work.

I want this IUI to work. My breast hurt a couple of days and I feel weird in my stomach. Could be just nerves. Or could it be….?

I want to stop thinking about the IUI. And I want to be calm and poise and don’t have to have the hysterical breakdown at work yesterday ever again (when I thought I got an extra task when all I wanted was some peace and quiet for the next couple of weeks). Of course, I’m only doing it to myself. I stress because I stress. Stress is sometimes just what I am. Very exhausting.

I want to have more self-esteem. Where did all my self-esteem go on this journey TTC?

I want…to stop wanting things 🙂

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2 thoughts on “I want

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