jealous

why am I jealous with my collegue? She ‘s a bit of a know it all but very sweet. I’m older than her and she just seems to have it all. She has a husband (ok, I think he’s a little weird, but she loves him, that’s what’s important), a very pretty house with a huge garden, nice parents, she plays music, she’s good at her work, she has friends and she recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

I’m really happy for her. I never would wish her anything bad.

The main thing that I hate is that I told her what my problem was with having babies, since she tried to have one for eight months and COMPLETELY freaked about is. My goal was to shut her up and be sensitive about my feelings once she was pregnant, because I’m sitting on the same desk as her.

Unfortunately she didn’t shut up. I had to listen to her pregnancy stories for seven months. It was all peace and quiet for four months, but now she’s back and giving me daily updates about her perfect life with child. She’s perfectly calm and relaxed and I just don’t see how she does it.

I even told her about my hyperthyriod thing and how it’s affecting one’s fertility, but that doesn’t stop her from talking about her precious baby boy.

I feel very very bad about being jealous. Is it normal to feel like that? I just don’t think it’s fair to be sitting in the same room at work with people talking every day about their offspring. I don’t see how that is going to stop me thinking and stressing about infertility.

Today I was feeling particularly ashamed of myself at an office party. First I recieved a firm answer from another collegue that it’s perfectly normal that people with babies talk about babies all the time. Then I was getting a bit drunk and one of the new bosses interupted me when I was telling a story to a bunch of people (I was talking a bit much a think because of the booze) and he said: “you’ll see when you’ll have children”. I was so taking aback that I just blinked a minute and stared a bit into the void. I made a complete fool of myself I think afterwards.

I was feeling so good this week but now I’m close to tears and waiting for the caveman to come home so he can take me in his arms and tell me everything is ok…

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