birthday party

ok, so I’m throwing a birthday party for my friends from college.

ok, so they have small children. I said: bring them all! thinking of that one time that one of them didn’t show up because my other friend did a party late at night in a bar and she, oh horror, couldn’t bring her baby.

ok, so then two of them start bitching in emails to me about nappy times and feeding times. With the urgent question to eat BEFORE or AFTER noon because that’s important for naps and so on. And if I’m prepared to also serve food for the small children. WELL OF COURSE I AM. I don’t want those kids to STARVE right?

And may I remind everyone that it’s MY birthday, that I could easily have invited everyone at night for cocktails and dancing? I’d rather do that but I thought, let’s bring the kids, so that everybody is happy (I’m already happy when everybody show up at my birthday)

So I send a rather firm mail stating that we are beginning to eat when there will be enough people and that late party crashers (because of the nap’s till after noon) will get their share of food too.


It’s so hard not to get worked up by all those over concerned mommy’s. Or maybe I just don’t understand because I’m not one. A mommy that is.

I hope I will enjoy my party…


why am I jealous with my collegue? She ‘s a bit of a know it all but very sweet. I’m older than her and she just seems to have it all. She has a husband (ok, I think he’s a little weird, but she loves him, that’s what’s important), a very pretty house with a huge garden, nice parents, she plays music, she’s good at her work, she has friends and she recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

I’m really happy for her. I never would wish her anything bad.

The main thing that I hate is that I told her what my problem was with having babies, since she tried to have one for eight months and COMPLETELY freaked about is. My goal was to shut her up and be sensitive about my feelings once she was pregnant, because I’m sitting on the same desk as her.

Unfortunately she didn’t shut up. I had to listen to her pregnancy stories for seven months. It was all peace and quiet for four months, but now she’s back and giving me daily updates about her perfect life with child. She’s perfectly calm and relaxed and I just don’t see how she does it.

I even told her about my hyperthyriod thing and how it’s affecting one’s fertility, but that doesn’t stop her from talking about her precious baby boy.

I feel very very bad about being jealous. Is it normal to feel like that? I just don’t think it’s fair to be sitting in the same room at work with people talking every day about their offspring. I don’t see how that is going to stop me thinking and stressing about infertility.

Today I was feeling particularly ashamed of myself at an office party. First I recieved a firm answer from another collegue that it’s perfectly normal that people with babies talk about babies all the time. Then I was getting a bit drunk and one of the new bosses interupted me when I was telling a story to a bunch of people (I was talking a bit much a think because of the booze) and he said: “you’ll see when you’ll have children”. I was so taking aback that I just blinked a minute and stared a bit into the void. I made a complete fool of myself I think afterwards.

I was feeling so good this week but now I’m close to tears and waiting for the caveman to come home so he can take me in his arms and tell me everything is ok…

week 2 on drugs

I’m not happy with the pills agains the hyperthyriod -thing.

I’m feeling dizzy and experience nausea.

So I thought, I go tell my boss about this because she had a similar but much heavier condition (thyriod had to be removed). And maybe, if she would be well informed, she would know that I can’t get pregnant so easily so she will stop asking about it.

Of course the eager answer was: nausea? maybe you’re pregant?

It’s a shame that you can get fired for slapping your boss. So I’m not going to do that.

Now I have nausea every day just to remind me that I don’t have a baby. Life’s just GREAT.

I tried to see it positively though: now I can watch my diet a bit more (I’m not fat but I have like everybody some excess weight around the belly), because I’m just not in the mood for eating. Thinner me, here I come!

present for my birthday: hyperthyroidism

It seems we have a cause: hyperthyroidism. I have to take pills and see where it goes.

and a lack of vitamin D. and I don’t have polycystic ovary syndrome but I do have a polycystic ovary.

feeling a little bit down.

the fertility doctor suggested that we do articifial insemination (IUI). We took the next appointment next month so we could think about it.

Find sticking probes into me just a little bit drastic.

oh and I’m turning 31 today. that’s like SO OLD.


my collegue who sits next to me is back from her maternity leave…

she’s already been talking about babies and breastfeeding to the other mums and to me  (“when you’ll have kids one day, then…) practically the whole time… waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Thank you.