the social paria

Hi internet,

Yesterday I was feeling very sad. My friend told me that she’s pregnant with her second child. Before I could express my happiness for her, she said: “Are you ok with that? I hope you’re not feeling sad”.

I was really taken aback when I heard that. I never wanted that my friend shouldn’t be at ease telling me she’s having another baby. I just want to be happy with her, chat about the new plans for her family, and afterwards of course telling her about my waiting (a year and two months) and how that sucks.

So I said to her that she should be happy and glowing in front of me and never think about how sad I must feel. Because I’m happy for her. My sadness had nothing to do with that. If I get upset everytime a friend is pregnant (ok I admit, I’m a little upset but nobody needs to know that) then I will end up having no friends at all. That’s my biggest fear really. That I turn out to be this social paria who isn’t comfortable being with people with kids and who my friends will avoid because they don’t know how to handle my infertility.

So I just keep on smiling and asking about how my friends are doing with their babies, as long as they take their time to listen to my insecurities and struggles. Because friendship is about being happy for one another, and listen to each other problems.

big hug to all my friends.

little dragon