happy

hi internet,

Just to say that I’m becoming happier lately. Which is good.

Sometimes you just don’t have to bitch about annoying things all the time.

So I won’t do it today (although I still can think about a few things which bug me immensely)…

big hug and let the sun shine!

xxx little dragon

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you don’t have to think about it…

Hi internet,

My next something to bitch about is this little, seemingly harmless sentence:

“You just don’t have to think about it”

It’s what my friend from secondary school said to me yesterday evening.

My secondary school friend has a great job, a lovely funny husband, she can sew her own clothes, has a beautiful house and of course, two adorable children.

Unfortunately for her, her brother has cancer. That’s terrible and I feel so hard for her and her parents, whom I know since I was little. She’s one of my oldes friends and I love her to bits.

But there was that little sentence she said that I just can’t get out my head.

First she was making allusions about me having babies like right now. Of course, like everybody else, she is assuming that I’m already pregnant. I started dinner having a caipirinha just to prove her wrong. Still, that didn’t shut her up. So I told her we ARE trying to have children but, unlike with her babies, it’s taking a while. And  that my caveman is having his swimmers tested today (I HOPE HIS SWIMMERS ARE THE BEST)

She looks at me sympathaticly, shakes her head and just said: “You don’t have to think about it”.

Now my friend has a university degree in children psychology, but still. What does she know? Her husband just had to look at her and she was already pregnant. She was pregnant so quickly she didn’t fitted in her wedding dress (4 months pregnant at her wedding day).

I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t easy to NOT think about it, with al my friends and my collegues who are breeding like hell. That she understood. But she made me feel that it was my fault that it still didn’t work.

I hear it everywhere, always from people who are a) single so definitely not trying to have a baby or b) immediately pregnant when they made their minds up to it.

Here’s my list of reasons why I can’t stop thinking about it ( and bugging the internet with this blog…)

1) everyday I go to work, I sit next to a pregnant lady and across another pregnant lady. I try sometimes listen to music when they’re talking about babies, but I don’t want to seem to rude. And they mention the word baby or pregnant every day. The one across me is even complaining about some minor issues with the pregnancy (like that she’s too tired/lazy to put files back in the cabinet…) the nice one next to me knows I am trying but even she tells me about where to shop for second hand baby clothes. WOMEN, I JUST DON’T CARE.

2) almost all my friends who are in a relationship have babies. So when I meet them, we have to talk about the offspring. ALL THE TIME. Most of the time they bring the little creatures over so I can’t even have a pleasant conversation with them without them saying “Oh loook how cuuuuute” every five minutes.

3) I’m 30 and the news is all about women who should start a family before 30. What kind of crazy selfish women am I by beginning trying at 29? The news said I should have started at 26 GODDAMNIT. You stupid stupid girl, the news says.

4) I have to take those foliumacid and vitamins. Gyneacologist orders. The package of those pills has a nice little baby printed on it. Excellent…

5) Three weeks out of four I’m not allowed any alcohol. Not even to survive social events where everybody is asking about my upcoming babies. AARGH. so I end up getting wasted everytime I got my period. Fortunately, I don’t drink more then 3 alcohol units at a time. But still, it’s a lot of boose for me if you compare to who I was before. Must Try Not To Be An Alcoholic…

6) I had a serious bronchitis 3 months ago. Since I told the doctor we were trying for a baby, he was freaking out and prescribed me some stupid light drugs that didn’t work. So I had to go to another doctor who also freaked out and prescribed me nothing. The bronchitis lasted for 1,5 month, it was the most terrible cough I ever had JUST BECAUSE I JUST WASN’T ALLOWED TO USE SOME DECENT COUGH SYRUP. Then, I got hay fever. Guess what, if there is a “risk” you are pregnant, you can’t have any medication against hay fever. Of course, the hay fever added to more and more coughs. Then my caveman said it was enough and we did a baby-free month. I got to drink grog for my sore throat and take all the meds I wanted. Nice. Still, the coughs remains a little. how nice…

7) it’s what society expects from you. and your family. especially MOM just won’t shut up about it.

8) you feel miserable and not a complete woman. and a failure. but luckily I don’t feel like that very often. If I feel miserable I just think about my caveman and I smile againg. THANK GOD.

9) you see babies everywhere: in the commercials, on the streets. And they’re so cute….

10) I already told you in my first post about my boss who is constantly nagging me with the big question, because she’s afraid she’ll have to do all the work herself. Did I already mention she has a kid too? So quit poking your nose into my private affairs, bitch. seriously.

11) If you try not to think about it, you end up thinking about it.

So that’s like 11 reasons why it’s hard not to think about it.

But hey, you just don’t have to think about it and, voilà, the baby is there.

yeah right….

Seriously. It sucks. And now I feel quilty for even think about it for even a second. Every day.

hug,

little dragon